the beauty and pain of grief

Beautiful, painful synchronicity and growth.

My beautiful girl Sox died yesterday and this pops up today!

I have been writing about this in my journal yesterday, when my ego and mind are suffering, I write, and as I write, I can see all the beauty, it has been flowing out of me, there is so much beauty even in pain.

My belief and study in the yogic philosophy, my spiritual work, my desire to soften my ego and live deeply, to transform the limits the untruths in my life, helps me to do this.

It is also no coincidence that I have had Ram Dass beautiful book 'Be Love Now' for a few years, and only started reading it 4 days ago. It has been such a support for me, as he describes his loss of his guru and the fact that nothing really changed apart from the ego missing the physical incarnation. I read that in bed the last night she was alive, literally just as I left her and got into bed. I felt it then, and I felt it as I awoke to her loss, his words changed me, just when I needed them.

I feel her everywhere, because her being in my life, changed me beyond recognition. I am the version of me now, because she was in my life.

She was pure peace, her eyes were like looking into the universe, she had that effect on me right from the start, she opened my heart, not in a human love way, in a cosmic way as Ram Dass explains, because she was loving awareness, I am able to have more moments in my life when I am.

When I get my voice back without crying, I will create a tribute podcast for her, with all the a-ha's I have had since she left.

I am crying a lot, but I also feel so much peace. Pain and beauty at the same time.

Thank you Soxy Dog, you opened a deeper level of compassion, I just need to learn how to live this version of me without your soft fluffy cuddles, and physical presence.

The pain I feel right now was worth every tear, thank you, thank you, thank you, I love you. You were and still are my guru.