The Void: Retraction before Expansion

This piece of writing has come about because I posted yesterday that I was disappointed with myself after an event I went to as I realised that I had played so so small. I love telling my story if I think it will help someone, or if it has a teaching point, and this does. It is me talking through how I feel in an actual void, and how this affects how I show up. 

I want to start by acknowledging how privileged I am, to be in a place where I feel safe, where my country is not being bombed, and where I have access to food, shelter and water. This allows me to focus on inner work, which is currently disrupting my inner peace. For some this is such a luxury to have. For me, I am extra driven for the collective to do this inner work, to in some way hold more of the light.

I'm experiencing a BIG void. In September, I unknowingly travelled to be in my Uranus IC line for a few weeks, which caused an internal shake-up and a literally deep energetic chaos. During some delicious deep meditations and downloads showing me where my next level business was going, I uncovered another layer of healing I need to address. 

No matter the level you reach, there is always more to transmute. I began working on clearing my female lineage. Yesterday I realised there's more to do than I initially thought. Looking in the mirror, I saw my face disappear and the faces of my female lineage were overlaid on mine, reminding me there's still work to be done before my energy is fully ready.

If your business is an expression of your dharma, your soul’s expression & evolution it will continually challenge you to grow and heal.

I know what needs to be done and will start once I return home.

In addition to this ancestral work that has arisen, there is a real-life situation in my personal life affecting my sense of safety, and some events in my business are pushing me to stand firm in my boundaries. I had an "aha" moment yesterday, realising that I am only great with boundaries with those who respect and honour them. Not so great with anyone else. As my business grows, I need to improve this so that both my business and I can support each other and I can feel safe. I need to put another layer of 3D onboarding processes in place. My heart doesn’t want to, but my business needs to.

So with this as a back drop, all this inner healing, I am not in my full power at the moment. At an event this weekend, my inner child needed to hide, which was the right thing for my energy during this void. Even though It was a safe space with amazing women, it feels so vulnerable in the void, like a snake shedding its skin, I realise that I felt safe enough to be there and to just soak it all in, without having to go into any proving energy, I could go and be supported energetically.

I'm not disappointed in honouring how I felt. What I am disappointed for, is  not honouring my current power, my story, and my creations. As a note - when you are going through a void, you don’t lose your current skills and power. I downplayed my achievements, energetically, I put others on a pedestal. When some of the beautiful women I talked to, spoke about their books or podcasts, I celebrated them, and thought how amazing they are for doing that and putting themselves out there. It wasn’t until I was talking to a beautiful soul about her pattern of keeping quiet. I spoke about how I talk about this in my book. I realised that I hadn’t mentioned my book, my podcast, my story to anyone, in that moment, we mirrored each other. We were both playing small. I was celebrating everyone else and not myself.

I'm okay with all of the above, because I understand where my energy is, but I'm disappointed for not honouring my book and my creation, a piece of my legacy, my power and bravery for doing something scared.

Kirsty Gallagher was the keynote speaker, she mentioned that as Pluto is in Capricorn for the last time in our lifetime, there's often regression before growth. This resonates with me, as my September travels started this process, along with collective energies and the full moon in Aries. The astrology is very challenging at the moment, there is a lot going off, and my soul seems to be diving into the energies a bit like the fool card, and just saying, OK, lets go, lets shed.

I've been through enough voids to feel comfortable stepping back, being quieter, and taking care of my energy. However, I haven't experienced one this strong in many years. It’s exciting because I know I will come out the other side changed, more evolved, and more ME. The vision I have for my business needs the future versions of me, and I just need to shed a bit before I can fully call her in. She is powerful, she is here to take up more space, so I am creating some for her. 

I’d love to know how this resonates, come on over to instagram @i_am_karenjackson and let me know, I’d love to hear from you xxx